Election 2012

This past election day was thrilling, to say the least. However, the moments leading up to it were filled with debates, research, prayers, discussions, and maybe a little bickering. You see, our home is somewhat divided based on our political views. And somehow word got around to our church friends (a church that is LDS, mind you) about our divisions. After that, many were interested in what Logan and I had to say, and we were happy to tell them. Many were impressed by our knowledge of the political candidates and the various issues, but ultimately I think what impressed people was how we make our differences work in our home. Honestly, that impresses me too because Logan and I are two very different people. We think differently about certain issues. We have different hobbies. We learn differently. But one thing remains the same - and that is our love for God and our family. Those two things will be something we always agree on. No matter what.

I started reading a book gifted by my MIL. It is called Deliberate Motherhood, and it is fantastic. If anything, this book has caused me to really think about what I do - how my choices, attitude, and opinions shape my child, and family. The first piece of healthy advice I heard was this quote, and I thought it was very relevant:

"Your success as a family, our success as a society, depends not on what happens in the White House, but on what happens in YOUR house." - Barbara Bush

That quote put me right in my place. Because truly, isn't that what matters most? 

How grateful I am to have been part of such a significant election.

But even more grateful to be part of a family.

To be part of raising a family. 

To be part of creating success. Not just in my home, but society too. 

What a privilege, a true honor.

A blessing, really. 

A year of Motherhood

The moment H was born was so magical. Nothing quite prepares you for bringing a baby into the world, and I don't think there are any tangible words to describe it. Each circumstance is different, but I'd like to think every mother felt the same way I did when seeing their baby for the first time - so giddy, so powerful, so loved, so overwhelmed, so raw.

Of course, the first few days weeks after giving birth were tough. I had so many questions and so much learning to do. There was that whole adjusting to the newborn stage - feeding a baby from my womanly parts, changing diaper after diaper, sleeping less than 4 hours at night, learning the swaddle technique (which got denied by Hudson), doctor's visits, etc. Logan and I were so unsure of ourselves. I remember distinctly leaving the hospital and getting into the car; I wanted to cry my eyes out. I looked at Logan and said, "Now, what? We don't know how to take care of a baby!" Logan, being the patient, calm person that he is said something like, "Let's go home. We'll figure it out." And boy, we are still figuring it out!

I think that's what it is though. Figuring it out. One day at a time. Sure, we have a pretty good routine but that routine can get thrown out the window at any time. I have learned to adapt, to be patient, and to figure it out. And, I think I am doing it. I am no expert when it comes to mothering, but I'd like to think I am an expert in mothering my kid. I know what makes him smile, I know what foods he prefers over others, I know how he likes to be put down for bed, I know which TV shows he loves, I know his favorite toys, I know which areas of the house are his favorite to mess up, and I know his ticklish spots. I know all of those things about him and so much more.

It is amazing just how much growth and development happens in the very first year. Hudson has learned so much in a year, and then to look at how much Logan and I have learned too. Our marriage has grown a ton. It's grown into more love, appreciation, and adoration for one another. Being a mother and father changes a marriage, but for the better. I knew Logan was patient before I married him, but I quickly learned that his capacity for patience far exceeds mine and anyone else I know. It is endearing to see and I hope that same patience will rub of on me sometime (hopefully soon).

I love the mothering life. I'm so glad I get to have it and that I get to have Logan by my side in all of it. I know that this is the life Heavenly Father wants for me and I intend to do the best I can at figuring it out, but also embracing all that comes with it. I know that mothering isn't perfect, but that's the beauty of it sometimes. I've learned to just embrace the spaghetti ridden carpet after feeding Hudson dinner. I've learned to embrace singing "I am a child of God" a million times before he falls asleep. I've learned to embrace him wanting to sleep in our bed some nights. I've learned to embrace everything that comes with the mothering life because all too quickly this little one year old will be 16 years old and won't need me to clean up after him, won't need me to sing to him, and won't need to sleep in our bed. It makes my heart ache to see my baby become a toddler, but it is also exciting too. Growth is part of the process and around here we are all growing - more in love, more in awe, and more in anticipation of things to come.

I can't wait to see how motherhood unfolds this next year and in the future years! It is the best adventure I could have ever asked for. I know that it is the greatest responsibility and calling in the world. I feel so blessed to have it, but more importantly - to really live it.

"Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom!"

Granted, I am only 3 months into being a mom but I just thought I would share my thoughts on being a stay-at home mom because I've ran into quite a few people who want to know what I do, why, and how I do it. 

My (not so) little brother recently asked me, "So, what do you do all day?" I quickly replied, "I take care of Hudson, duh!" But really that is not all I do because I do plenty. I cook, clean, do laundry, tend to a 3 month old (change diaper, feed, play, nap, and then repeat), read, organize, make lists, budget, blog, call family/friends, e-mail, plan, fulfill church responsibilities, etc. There is SO much that a stay-at-home mom does. Don't under-estimate the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) because she can get things done with less than 4 hours of consistent sleep, crying baby in hand, and putting laundry in the dryer. Trust me. It CAN be done. If you need proof, call me. 

Secondly, why do I do it? Because I can't imagine doing anything else right now. I ran into a young mother on Halloween night and aside from complimenting each other on our cute babies she asked, "So, have you found a daycare yet? I am having the hardest time finding one!" I quickly replied, "No, I'm not looking into daycare because I plan to stay at home with my baby." She raised her eyebrow and said, "Oh!" And, I think all you SAHMs know what I'm talking about. Yes, it's that particular "oh" - the one where she is judging you without meaning to. She didn't even have to say anything else; I knew exactly what she was thinking. Well, in response to that "oh" here is my answer because....

"No other success can compensate for failure in the home." 

- David O. McKay

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my sole reason for why I am choosing to stay at home right now. No matter all the education I can get, no matter all the money I could make, no matter all the recognition I could receive - those things can and will NOT compensate for my failure in the home. I feel that the only way I can not fail in the home is to BE at home. And, it's not that I need to stay at home - I want to be at home. I can't imagine doing anything else. The home is what everything centers on. It is where my kids will be brought up. It is where my husband comes home to every day after work. I want to be there for ALL of it. I want to be there when Hudson rolls over for the first time (which will be soon). I want to be there for when Hudson takes his first step. I want to be there when Logan gets home from work every night. I want to be there when Hudson comes home from his first day of school. Those are the things I want to be home for and I can't imagine having it any other way.

And, lastly, how do I do what I do? Two things: patience and prayer. Patience is a hard thing to learn, especially for me. I've learned in the past 3 months that saying you will get something done and actually getting something done are two very different things. I've learned to be patient with myself. I've learned to make lists and slowly cross things off as I finish them. I've learned that it takes patience to be a stay-at-home mom because sometimes things don't go the way you plan. Sometimes your baby decides to wake up 30 minutes into a nap. Sometimes it takes 3 days to do the laundry. Sometimes dinner isn't ready by the time your husband gets home. Sometimes your house is a mess. Sometimes the dishes aren't done from the night before. Sometimes the bed isn't made. And, you know what? It is okay. That's what I've learned. It's okay to find happiness in all the chaos of every day life, and not just okay - it's better. Things don't always have to be perfect and life goes on even if I don't get everything done. That is the beauty (or sometimes vice) of being a SAHM you are your own critic/deadline/boss. I also get by on prayer. Trust me, it helps. I find myself saying a little prayer in my heart whenever I need it. It always almost immediately makes me feel better. 

So, there you have it. I am a stay-at-home mom and I am not ashamed of it. And yes, I do have a college degree, almost Master's degree, and work experience (you were probably wondering) but for the time being I am at home and I am cherishing it. It is where I want to be. It is what I want to be doing. I am writing this in the hopes that other moms out there who are SAHMs realize how incredible I think you are. You do SO much and sometimes you may feel like your efforts go unnoticed but I know that your child (or children) sees it, your husband sees it, and most of all your Heavenly Father sees it. Thank you for all you do! 

And, to all of you who scoff at women who CHOOSE to be stay-at home moms (you know who you are), I dare you to try it. It is much more work than anything you could possibly be doing right now, but it is also more rewarding and with the best kind of reward too - I'll let you figure that out yourself. 

**Note: I don't want to discredit moms out there who do work or need to be outside the home (for whatever reason). Sometimes it is necessary and I don't think less of you. I think moms have to make choices and sometimes the right choice is to work or be outside the home to support your family financially, emotionally, or spiritually. I get that and I admire your ability to balance it all.