The moment H was born was so magical. Nothing quite prepares you for bringing a baby into the world, and I don't think there are any tangible words to describe it. Each circumstance is different, but I'd like to think every mother felt the same way I did when seeing their baby for the first time - so giddy, so powerful, so loved, so overwhelmed, so raw.
Of course, the first few
days weeks after giving birth were tough. I had so many questions and so much learning to do. There was that whole adjusting to the newborn stage - feeding a baby from my womanly parts, changing diaper after diaper, sleeping less than 4 hours at night, learning the swaddle technique (which got denied by Hudson), doctor's visits, etc. Logan and I were so unsure of ourselves. I remember distinctly leaving the hospital and getting into the car; I wanted to cry my eyes out. I looked at Logan and said, "Now, what? We don't know how to take care of a baby!" Logan, being the patient, calm person that he is said something like, "Let's go home. We'll figure it out." And boy, we are
still figuring it out!
I think that's what it is though. Figuring it out. One day at a time. Sure, we have a pretty good routine but that routine can get thrown out the window at any time. I have learned to adapt, to be patient, and to figure it out. And, I think I am doing it. I am no expert when it comes to mothering, but I'd like to think I am an expert in mothering my kid. I know what makes him smile, I know what foods he prefers over others, I know how he likes to be put down for bed, I know which TV shows he loves, I know his favorite toys, I know which areas of the house are his favorite to mess up, and I know his ticklish spots. I know all of those things about him and so much more.
It is amazing just how much growth and development happens in the very first year. Hudson has learned so much in a year, and then to look at how much Logan and I have learned too. Our marriage has grown a ton. It's grown into more love, appreciation, and adoration for one another. Being a mother and father changes a marriage, but for the better. I knew Logan was patient before I married him, but I quickly learned that his capacity for patience far exceeds mine and anyone else I know. It is endearing to see and I hope that same patience will rub of on me sometime (hopefully soon).
I love the mothering life. I'm so glad I get to have it and that I get to have Logan by my side in all of it. I know that this is the life Heavenly Father wants for me and I intend to do the best I can at figuring it out, but also embracing all that comes with it. I know that mothering isn't perfect, but that's the beauty of it sometimes. I've learned to just embrace the spaghetti ridden carpet after feeding Hudson dinner. I've learned to embrace singing "I am a child of God" a million times before he falls asleep. I've learned to embrace him wanting to sleep in our bed some nights. I've learned to embrace everything that comes with the mothering life because all too quickly this little one year old will be 16 years old and won't need me to clean up after him, won't need me to sing to him, and won't need to sleep in our bed. It makes my heart ache to see my baby become a toddler, but it is also exciting too. Growth is part of the process and around here we are all growing - more in love, more in awe, and more in anticipation of things to come.
I can't wait to see how motherhood unfolds this next year and in the future years! It is the best adventure I could have ever asked for. I know that it is the greatest responsibility and calling in the world. I feel so blessed to have it, but more importantly - to really
live it.