Granted, I am only 3 months into being a mom but I just thought I would share my thoughts on being a stay-at home mom because I've ran into quite a few people who want to know what I do, why, and how I do it.
My (not so) little brother recently asked me, "So, what do you do all day?" I quickly replied, "I take care of Hudson, duh!" But really that is not all I do because I do plenty. I cook, clean, do laundry, tend to a 3 month old (change diaper, feed, play, nap, and then repeat), read, organize, make lists, budget, blog, call family/friends, e-mail, plan, fulfill church responsibilities, etc. There is SO much that a stay-at-home mom does. Don't under-estimate the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) because she can get things done with less than 4 hours of consistent sleep, crying baby in hand, and putting laundry in the dryer. Trust me. It CAN be done. If you need proof, call me.
Secondly, why do I do it? Because I can't imagine doing anything else right now. I ran into a young mother on Halloween night and aside from complimenting each other on our cute babies she asked, "So, have you found a daycare yet? I am having the hardest time finding one!" I quickly replied, "No, I'm not looking into daycare because I plan to stay at home with my baby." She raised her eyebrow and said, "Oh!" And, I think all you SAHMs know what I'm talking about. Yes, it's that particular "oh" - the one where she is judging you without meaning to. She didn't even have to say anything else; I knew exactly what she was thinking. Well, in response to that "oh" here is my answer because....
"No other success can compensate for failure in the home."
That, ladies and gentlemen, is my sole reason for why I am choosing to stay at home right now. No matter all the education I can get, no matter all the money I could make, no matter all the recognition I could receive - those things can and will NOT compensate for my failure in the home. I feel that the only way I can not fail in the home is to BE at home. And, it's not that I need to stay at home - I want to be at home. I can't imagine doing anything else. The home is what everything centers on. It is where my kids will be brought up. It is where my husband comes home to every day after work. I want to be there for ALL of it. I want to be there when Hudson rolls over for the first time (which will be soon). I want to be there for when Hudson takes his first step. I want to be there when Logan gets home from work every night. I want to be there when Hudson comes home from his first day of school. Those are the things I want to be home for and I can't imagine having it any other way.
And, lastly, how do I do what I do? Two things: patience and prayer. Patience is a hard thing to learn, especially for me. I've learned in the past 3 months that saying you will get something done and actually getting something done are two very different things. I've learned to be patient with myself. I've learned to make lists and slowly cross things off as I finish them. I've learned that it takes patience to be a stay-at-home mom because sometimes things don't go the way you plan. Sometimes your baby decides to wake up 30 minutes into a nap. Sometimes it takes 3 days to do the laundry. Sometimes dinner isn't ready by the time your husband gets home. Sometimes your house is a mess. Sometimes the dishes aren't done from the night before. Sometimes the bed isn't made. And, you know what? It is okay. That's what I've learned. It's okay to find happiness in all the chaos of every day life, and not just okay - it's better. Things don't always have to be perfect and life goes on even if I don't get everything done. That is the beauty (or sometimes vice) of being a SAHM you are your own critic/deadline/boss. I also get by on prayer. Trust me, it helps. I find myself saying a little prayer in my heart whenever I need it. It always almost immediately makes me feel better.
So, there you have it. I am a stay-at-home mom and I am not ashamed of it. And yes, I do have a college degree, almost Master's degree, and work experience (you were probably wondering) but for the time being I am at home and I am cherishing it. It is where I want to be. It is what I want to be doing. I am writing this in the hopes that other moms out there who are SAHMs realize how incredible I think you are. You do SO much and sometimes you may feel like your efforts go unnoticed but I know that your child (or children) sees it, your husband sees it, and most of all your Heavenly Father sees it. Thank you for all you do!
And, to all of you who scoff at women who CHOOSE to be stay-at home moms (you know who you are), I dare you to try it. It is much more work than anything you could possibly be doing right now, but it is also more rewarding and with the best kind of reward too - I'll let you figure that out yourself.
**Note: I don't want to discredit moms out there who do work or need to be outside the home (for whatever reason). Sometimes it is necessary and I don't think less of you. I think moms have to make choices and sometimes the right choice is to work or be outside the home to support your family financially, emotionally, or spiritually. I get that and I admire your ability to balance it all.
You go girl! I love this Abby! I feel the exact same way and your day sounds exactly like mine! I know all moms are different, but it makes me sick to my stomach to think of dropping Andrew off to be at a daycare for 8 hours a day. He is such a different baby during the day than in the evening and I could not imagine missing out on that. Staying at home is a sacrifice and it's definitely not easy or even fun sometimes, but could you imagine being anywhere else? I love that you found your niche at being a SAHM. And it does get easier and funner as the baby gets older. I love being the one to teach Andrew new things and new words everyday. Plus hanging out with other SAHM every once in a while is fun too :)
ReplyDeleteI love this, Abby! It reminds me of my mom--she had 7 kids and has always been a SAHM until recently, when it has become necessary for her to work. Still, her priority has always been with the family, and that has made all the difference with us. Sure, we're not perfect, but we get by, and I like to think we turned out pretty great, and we certainly owe so much of that to her. :)
ReplyDeleteShe had this poem on our fridge as I was growing up:
On Judgement Day, if God should say,
"Did you clean your house today?"
I shall say, "I did not;
I played with my children and I forgot."
People have often asked my mom, "How do you do it all?!" and her answer is, "I just don't." She always took time to take care of our educational, emotional, and spiritual needs, then as far as housework went, she took care of what absolutely needed to be done, just a day at a time, and the rest fell into place eventually.
I really admire you and your attitudes about motherhood. You've got my dream job, that's for sure! :)
Abby: I love your blog and think you make great points, but remember, it is ok to work outside the home even if it is not "necessary." It is important that every family find the mix that works for them both emotionally and financially. I know many women who would go insane if they stayed home with their kids and have found they are better mothers and their kids are better kids because they work full-time careers.
ReplyDelete@ Colleen - thank you for your comment! I appreciate your honesty. I hope when I said "necessary" that it did not come across as solely based on a financial necessity. I realize that some women do need to work for the sake of sanity (or whatever reason) - I know a few women that do! My goal one day is to find a way to balance motherhood and a career, but for me - motherhood will always come first, not a career. And, I hope my kids will be better kids because of that. It was good to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is a gift that most folks takes for granted. Failure at home come in many different forms, just because a few women have opportunities to be at home, this does not make them "winners" either. The biggest sacrifice is for those who don't have a choice since they are the one that has to work harder to balance both lives (home/work).
ReplyDeleteI've seen so many wonderful mothers who have balanced their career as well as their home life (wife, mother, etc.). The ability to love and have compassion for others come from the loving nature of the caregiver, be it a full-time stay at home mom/dad or a full-time career person. For those who have choices, more power to you so make it work. For those who do not have choices, I applaud you for YOUR sacrifices.
For me, I was fortunate enough to be this old and have had opportunities to do both...a career woman and a stay at home mom. I thank my Gracious Heavenly Father for guiding me in both paths!
Well Said Abby! I have thought about doing a post like this for a long time...maybe I still should. I appreciate your comments. I agree being a stay at home mom is the best job in the world, it's hard work, but it has HUGE eternal importance.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this Abby. My parents were in Hawaii a couple of weeks ago and I had to be a parent for only 6 days, it had its ups and downs like everything in life but I realized that I do want to be home for my family. My mom has always been a stay at home mom and I would never want it any other way. My mom is amazing and I want to be like her. I hope that my future life will allow me to be a SAHM!!
ReplyDeletePlus, it makes me proud to hear young people like you that I look up to, happy about their choice! I know you have a lot of work but God is on your side.
Thanks again!
Being a SAHM is the hardest job you'll ever do, but it's also the most rewarding! I am SO grateful that I can work at home full-time. There are days where I wish I could just be a SAHM, but it's not possible right now. But I am still working toward it. :)
ReplyDelete